This is not my ceiling
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
