I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
