Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
