wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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