To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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