Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
