Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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