hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
