:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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