Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
