You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
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When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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