he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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