I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
