im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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