Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
