I cockslap morals
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
