I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
