lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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