I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
