I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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