That's intense
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
