Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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