I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
