What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
