dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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