Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she woke up with a sticky ear
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
