also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
