she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
