So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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