Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
