I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
