I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
