My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
