I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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