I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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