Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
