I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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