Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
