If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
