i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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