If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
we're making bets on your personal life
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
