I cockslap morals
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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