I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
