I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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