Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
