So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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