he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
