she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
