my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
