I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
