Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
