I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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