But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
