i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
