i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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