I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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