But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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