Soap is not a condiment
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
