you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just sent this text using only my big toe
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
