ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
