hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just forgot I was standing up.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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