No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
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When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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