how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
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Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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