Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
