Someone shit on the floor
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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