jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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