Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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