im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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