Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
