mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
