Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
