Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
