Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
