Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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