Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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