you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
