ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
