My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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