woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
