Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize