Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
