her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
