I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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