please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
