peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
