found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
