Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
