onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
