it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
